Act my Age
by zeldris
Summary: Throughout all of elementary and middle school, Erza was tormented by the same boy. After finding out that he is attending the same college as her – it was only natural to want to extract sweet, sweet revenge, right? The only problem is, her bully has evolved in more ways than one. jellal/erza, gray/juvia, natsu/lucy. au.
1. act my age

**Summary: Throughout all of elementary and middle school, Erza was tormented by the same boy. After finding out that he is attending the same college as her – it was only natural to want to extract sweet, sweet revenge, right? The only problem is, her bully has evolved in more ways than one.**

 **Pairing(s): jerza, gruvia, nalu, gajevy, miraxus. severe ervia brotp.**

 **.**

"I'm just saying, don't you think it's a little bit ridiculous to be this obsessed over something that happened three years ago?"

"Four years. And absolutely _not_ – every bit of this is completely justified." Erza answered, tentatively drawing a dark line above her eyelid.

"Mm, I'm gonna have to disagree this time." Juvia admitted, crossing her legs against the bathroom counter and examining her friend in the mirror. "Remember that time you convinced me that shattering Jenny's kneecaps after she made out with your boyfriend was a good idea? Yeah, it wasn't. Your judgment is forever questioned in my mind as of now."

" _This_ is different," Erza scowled as a small smudge appeared in her otherwise perfect eyeliner. "This, I have been waiting for, for _so long._ "

"You see, that really doesn't make it any more credible." Juvia replied.

"Doesn't matter what you think," Erza said, thickening the dark lines so that they were just about even. A feat in itself. "How do I look?"

"Like a maneater." Juvia answered. Erza smiled deviously.

"Perfect."

.

.

.

"I think you're overdoing it."

Erza shook her head. "No such thing."

Juvia raised one eyebrow, about to rapid-fire a thousand reasons why that factoid was incorrect.

"- _don't_ even start. You said yourself I looked hot, no one's going to suspect that I have ulterior motives." Erza justified. Juvia simply frowned.

"But it's _just_ speech class – you don't even know if this guy is in your class." Juvia pointed out.

"Yeah _well_ , it doesn't hurt to check." Erza snapped, smoothing her hair back into its tight ponytail.

"Well, it doesn't hurt to fuck the entire bowling team, but you're not going to do that, are you?"

"Shut up, Juvia. Your metaphors are the worst."

"Well, you're a meta _whore._ "

Erza slapped a hand over her friend's mouth and ducked into the class. They grabbed seats next to each other, and inconspicuously began their hunt.

"What does this guy look like again?" Juvia asked out of boredom, scoping out the class for hot guys.

"He had blue hair, last time I saw him. Ooh, I hope he still isn't _fit_. That boy used to be able to eat entire skittle packages in the middle of class. It had to have hit him at _some_ point—"

"So, blue hair? That's all you've got for me? Tch." Juvia continued to look around, making a mental checklist of whose phone number she'd have to swipe.

"I don't see him." Erza growled, tapping her nails on the desk impatiently.

"It's a big campus, you better keep your expectations _low._ " Juvia informed. "How did you even find out he was going here?"

"I told you, Simon got me that list. I saw his name on it." Erza explained.

"Ah, of course, _Simon._ I can't believe you guys haven't dated yet, he'd probably rip off his own arm if you asked him to." Juvia exaggerated.

"Ew. Weird, he's like, my…step…cousin. I don't know, it'd just be gross." Erza reprimanded.

"You should probably let him know that. If I didn't know any better, I'd say he's in _love_ with you." Juvia teased.

"How would you know? The closest you've been to _love_ is Jeff Goldblum." Erza mocked.

"Ha-ha, make fun of my first love. Real clever there Erza, keep that shit up and you'll wake up with all that pretty, pretty red hair gone…" Juvia said while stroking Erza's ponytail.

A swarm of people walked in and Erza became distracted by her pencil. Did she even put led into it? Oh god, she'd be so _screwed_ if she couldn't even write on the first day! Juvia brought a pen, so she's crossed off the list, but-

"Whoa, whoa, _whoa_ , Erza check your twelve 'o clock, we got the bottom half of Channing Tatum coming in _hot_ …" Juvia rang out, looking very much like she wanted some popcorn and iced tea.

Two obviously fit guys walked in, elbowing each other playfully. They could almost be a couple, but by the looks of their obsession with Nike and muscle t-shirts, Erza went out on a limb and assumed that they were straight, or maybe experimenting. Nonetheless, there was nothing more unappetizing than a man in a neon green muscle tee.

One of them had salmon colored hair, to put it in a more masculine sense. The other had darker hair, and Erza had to say, was the hot one of the two. Not that the one with pink hair wasn't hot, he just sort of…paled.

"Ooh, what I wouldn't do to sit on that face-"

"Gross Juvia, nobody gives a shit about you." Erza deadpanned.

"Frankly, that's a horrible way to make friends," Juvia said straight-faced, before turning towards the two boys and giving them a flirtatious wave. This earned her a few laughs from them, mocking or not, Erza had yet to tell.

Disappointed that her revenge plan wasn't in full-swing, Erza bent her head low and inhaled the scent of her shampoo. It was pomegranate, and it was really amazing.

"Hey, you said blue hair, right?" Juvia whispered as the professor began a leisurely role-call.

"Yuh-hm." Erza answered, still half buried in the fabulous smell of fruit.

"Well what about that guy over there, his hair looks fairly blue…purple-ish…" Juvia added with an extra squint.

Erza followed her line of vision and was slightly intrigued; the subject was sitting towards the front and indeed had blue hair, and muscular shoulders, from what the view provided. Erza mentally cursed, if he was the boy she was looking for, she was hoping he'd be a lot less…shapely…

"I need a better _view_ ," she mumbled, craning her neck to see what the heads in front of her were blocking.

"Dragneel, Natsu?"

"Aqui."

That earned the kid with pink hair a few girlish giggles. Good god, if it was going to be like that all semester...

"Oh great, remedial Spanish, just what I needed." Juvia commented wryly, as miffed at the boy's first impression as Erza was.

A few more names were listed off, and Erza's hands clung to the edges of the desk in anticipation.

"If it is him, his name should be coming up soon…" Erza told Juvia. She nodded and trained her vision on the blue haired boy.

"Fernandes, Jellal?"

"Here."

" _Fuck_." Erza said, a little more audibly than she hoped.

"Is it him?" Juvia asked quickly.

Erza nodded, her lips pressed into a thin line. "Oh yeah, it's him."

Juvia cocked her head. "Y'know, from this angle, he looks kinda-"

"Disgusting? Horrible? I know, just keep your head down." Erza instructed.

"I was gonna say smokin', but whatever helps you sleep at night." Juvia replied.

"Well he's a monster. I hate him, and I would enjoy murdering him." Erza said before leaving herself to her thoughts.

That was Jellal alright, but she had yet to see his stupid, smug face. Hopefully it was horribly disfigured, maybe after a freak car accident, or a gang fight? No matter what, Erza's one hope was banking on the fact that she'd be hotter than him. In middle school, he was the hot one, so he got to prance around and trample all over her, but _no_ , not this time, motherfucker. _She_ was the hot one now, and she was gonna rub it in his _goddamn_ face-

"Scarlet, Ezra?"

" _Seriously_?"she cursed under her breath. Teachers seemed to be fairly phobic of pronouncing her name correctly, r before z, but she didn't exactly have the energy to complain.

"Erza, here." She corrected before mentally throwing up.

"Oh. Sorry about that." The teacher made an eraser mark on his clipboard and went back to reading.

"Uh-oh. Don't look now, but Mr. Revenge plot is staring at you." Juvia warned while casually tapping her fingernails against each other.

"Really? Is he hot?" She asked with hopeful malice.

"… _Damn_. Yeah, he is. He has a _face_ tattoo, risky as hell, but he's working that shit." Juvia mentioned nonchalantly. She was a master of lies and deception, it was a miracle she hadn't committed a felony yet.

Yet.

"A _face_ tattoo? Are you sure? Is he still looking?" Erza asked impatiently.

"Yeah, quick, do that majestic look you always do." Juvia advised. Erza tilted her head slightly upwards and let her eyelids droop a quarter inch, just enough to look seriously sexy.

"Mmm…he _just_ looked away, but that was some pretty intense eye-smex right there. I felt kinda dirty just being in your presence." Juvia admitted, which Erza found hard to believe because Juvia had walked in on her parents having sex on five separate occasions.

Erza let out a breath she didn't know she was holding and began to interrogate Juvia.

"Is he hotter than me? Do you think he recognized me? Was the tattoo cool, or lame?"

"Hmm…I think you guys are pretty damn even on a hotness standpoint, _yes_ , he definitely recognized you, and it was kinda sick." Juvia told.

" _Shit_. This is _garbage._ Why isn't he ugly? He _deserves_ to be ugly." Erza lamented.

"Maybe you're going a bit overboard on this-"

"No! No I am _not_ , I am going to _end_ that boy, if it ends up killing us both!"

"Erza, the Sith called, they want their movie back."

"Shut up! Come on, are you with me, or not? I'm going to get revenge on Jellal Fernandes, and I'll be honest here, if you don't help me, it's kinda gonna be a blow to our whole friendship." Erza threatened.

"Eh, I got nothin' better to do." Juvia caved, tapping her pen on the desk. "What's the plan?"

"First," Erza said with an evil smile, "we seduce him."

"Aw, Jesus, I can already tell that this plan is gonna _suck_ -"

"Just shut up and listen."

After listening to Erza's intricate plan, Juvia lazily agreed to help her. However unbelievable it was.

"Alright kids, now it may seem a bit out of the ordinary, but I will be dealing out a seating chart. Part of speech class is learning how to be comfortable with different audiences, and I want you all to utilize that as early as possible." The teacher announced. Juvia groaned and Erza smacked her face against the desktop.

"I hope I at least get to sit by hotpants over there," Juvia jerked her thumb to the dark haired boy and licked her lips creepily.

"You're embarrassing yourself." Erza said, before slowly peeling her thighs off of the chair she was sitting in (perhaps short-shorts were a bad decision towards the end of summer).

"Maybe you'll get to sit by tattoo face, then you'll have no trouble achieving vengeance." Juvia commented as the teacher began dealing seats out.

"That'd be _horrible._ If I have to see his stupid, handsome face for more than five minutes a day, I might just pull a dark knight and smash a pencil through my forehead." Erza groaned.

"If I had to see his stupid handsome face, I'd probably accidentally end up fucking him." Juvia said with a less-than-guilty look written across her face.

"How does one accidentally have sex?"

"Dunno. Trip over a tree branch and onto his penis?"

"-Dragneel, Scarlet, Strauss…"The teacher listed off, tapping a desk to go with each name.

"Crap. I got put next to pinky?" Erza wrinkled her nose and gathered her things.

"Sucks, doesn't it 'Za?" Juvia asked rhetorically. "Hey, would ya lookit that? You're sittin' right in front of tattoo baby."

Erza, despite the convenience of the seating arrangement, mentally stabbed herself.

"This fuckin' sucks, and suckin' fucks, and it's a piece of shit, and I don't _like it._ " She whispered to Juvia. Juvia laughed at her wayward cursing and bid her farewell, even though she was only seated a row behind her and to the left.

Erza kept her head up straight and refused to look anyone in the eye until she reached her seat.

"Hey there sweetheart, wanna go out for a-"

"Not on your life." Erza cut off the boy with pink hair faster than he could recover.

"…Fair enough. You got a pencil?" He asked.

"No," she scoffed, before remembering that her pencil may or may not have led.

She dug through her bag and retrieved her pencil, anxiously clicking the eraser in hope that it would show signs of life. Her face slowly began to fall after four seconds of clicking, and the guy next to her started to laugh.

"Looks like you're just as screwed as me, eh?" He laughed again, making Erza want to send a punch directly at his appendix.

"Shut your yap, I'm working on it." she said through gritted teeth, clicking her pencil consistently.

"Heh heh. How's that going for you, Red?" He asked, while watching her amusedly.

"It's Erza, _Pinky._ Now put a sock in it." She muttered, popping the eraser out so she could check the actual pencil for led that might've been trapped.

"Fine, Erza. I'm Natsu." He introduced.

"And I'm _screwed."_ Erza whisper yelled.

"Ha-ha. Told ya." Natsu snickered.

A tap came at Erza's shoulder. Barely invested, she turned her head to see what the problem was.

To her chagrin, the unfortunately attractive face of Jellal Fernandes was staring back at her, bemused, with a fine piece of led in between his fingers.

 _Damn_ , the tattoo _was_ hot.

Unconsciously, she stared back at him like he had just asked her if she preferred top or bottom.

When she made no apparent motion to accept the led, he raised an eyebrow in suspicion.

"Do you need led, or not?" He asked, voice unexpectedly smooth and deep.

Erza coughed.

"Uh…yeh?" She squeaked incoherently, taking the led from him gingerly like it contained the bubonic plague.

"Hey man, could you hit me up with a pen or somethin'?" Natsu asked him turning around and interrupting Erza and Jellal's odd moment.

"Yeah, sure." He offered kindly. Erza whirled around quickly to avoid screaming at the top of her lungs. Did he not recognize her, was Juvia mistaken? Or did he recognize her and feel bad? Was the led _poisoned_?

Erza gently placed the led in her pencil, taking great care that it didn't cleave in half and piss her off even more. Was the led some sort of ploy to get her to forgive him after years of torture? Well nice try Fernandes, but it'll take more than a hunk of graphite for Erza Scarlet to let go of this!

"Hey. There's steam comin' out of your ears." Natsu observed.

"That guy's an asshole." I whispered.

Natsu looked back, before looking back at Erza. "Really? He seemed kinda decent."

"Trust me, he eats children and beats up cats in his spare time." Erza said lowly.

"That's…oddly specific." Natsu remarked.

The teacher then told them to introduce themselves to the people around them. Erza inwardly groaned and turned to Natsu.

"Natsu Dragneel. I'm eighteen years old, I'm from Maryland." He briefly described.

"Erza Scarlet. Eighteen, Iowa." She said curtly.

The girl sitting at the double desk next to them gave them a brilliantly white smile to match her silver-white hair.

"I'm Mirajane! I'm nineteen years old, and I'm from Wisconsin." She greeted.

"Hi there." Natsu said with a suggestive eyebrow wiggle.

Behind Natsu was a girl named Cana, she was nineteen and from Wisconsin as well.

By the time her small group of introductees had turned to Jellal, Erza had already tuned him out.

"I'm Jellal. I'm eighteen, I'm from Iowa, and I actually _don't_ eat babies, contrary to popular belief." He said, throwing Erza a boyishly handsome smile. Natsu laughed and Erza covered up her blush with her hand.

"Wait, you eat babies?" Cana asked.

"No, no I don't." Jellal corrected.

"He beats up cats, too." Natsu added for further embarrassment.

"Ahahahahaha…Natsu, that's…that's real funny…" Erza faked through her teeth.

"Whoo, do you do dogs? There's this annoying little yippy terrier that lives a few houses down from me, and I _really_ wanna get rid of him without being arrested-"

Jellal interceded Cana's request expertly. "Actually, not really. I only do alligators."

"Badass. Nice to meet you Jellal." Mirajane said.

"Yeah, nice to meet you…all…" he ended giving Erza a pointed look. She looked away.

"Now that you've all met each other, why don't we start with a group activity…"

.

.

.

"Well _that_ was boring. Everybody sitting near me is either forty, or ugly." Juvia recalled.

Erza stayed silent, her eyes fixed on Jellal, who was speaking with Natsu and his friend.

"Didn't do anything crazy, did you?" Juvia asked at the slight psychotic glint in her best friend's eyes.

"… _No._ "

"Oh my god, you did, didn't you?"

"Shut up…" Erza mumbled, before looking back at Jellal.

To her surprise, he was looking back at her too.

"Shit! Abort mission!" She whispered to Juvia, latching her hand on her shoulder and propelling towards the door.

"Why, is he coming?" Juvia lifted her head to check. "Oh my god, he is! Go talk to him!"

Juvia shoved Erza backwards, directly back into the crowd like a wayward bowling ball.

Her gaze spiraled forward and her hands grabbed the nearest object to steady her. And, like any romantic comedy, she grappled onto the warm chest of the last person she wanted to see that day.

"Erza," he greeted, obviously recognizing her for exactly who she was.

"Jellal." She said thickly, swallowing whatever malice she harbored for him and faking a smile. "It's been…so long…"

"Yeah," he agreed, steadying her so she wasn't grasping his shirt like it was her saving grace. "Hey, so…kind of weird question, but you aren't like…mad at me? For how shitty I was to you when we were kids?"

With a tight, maniacal smile, Erza shook her head one too many times. "No. Nope. No way! That's…ridiculous…"

"Ok…that's good, I guess…" he said, unsure of whether to believe her or not. "I hope we can put it all behind us and be friends?"

"Oh yeah. Sounds great." She replied dryly.

"Uh…alright, I'll see you around!" He waved, flexing his almost delicious biceps. Damn. If only he could've turned out to be ugly.

"Yeah. I'll see you around." Erza said, long after he had left.

"Uh-oh, Erza, what are you thinking? I've seen that look before…are we about to commit manslaughter?" Juvia asked nervously from behind her.

"Better Juvia…" Erza said sweetly. "I've got a much better idea…"

.

 **because no, i _don't_ have enough stories posted on here.**

 **frankly, i'm just testing the waters here. not quite sure if I want to continue this au yet, so the best way to test that is to get feedback on this site. let me know what you thought!**


	2. girl almighty

**0/0 that was a lot of feedback holy hell thank you guys so much! this chapter was already finished, so I decided to go ahead and post it now (if you guys know me, im a slow as fuck updater...srry) soooo...enjoy :)**

* * *

"I just…I wanna _lick_ him."

"Nasty. That's so nasty, Juvia, god."

Juvia flipped her hair and made a 'la-di-da' expression. "Not in a weird way, like, I just wanna lick his face. You know?"

"I can't even describe all the levels of not knowing I'm going through right now." Erza answered. She peered through the peepy hole in her magazine and sighed.

"Oh, shut up. You don't have any room to talk, Miss I'm-gonna-spy-on-a-bunch-of-hot-guys-for-research." Juvia huffed.

Erza blanched and set her magazine down with a smack. "Well it's not like you've got any better ideas!"

"I _do_ have a better idea." Juvia said haughtily.

"Let's hear it then." Erza pressed.

"Well…there's a party at his dorm later tonight, right?" Juvia began. By now Erza had lost her focus and stopped spying.

"So…?" Erza failed to see her conclusion.

"Duh. You hide a mouse trap somewhere in his house – so then when he least expects it – _blammo!_ His hand gets decapitated!" Juvia smacked her hand on the table loudly to prove her point.

"A _mouse trap_?" Erza asked disappointedly. "That's _it_?"

"That's-"

"Well, well, well, what do we have here?"

Erza didn't even conceal her groan. "Natsu, go away."

Natsu sat down with a pout. Gray sat next to him.

"Don't you lovely ladies want some company?" He asked while batting his eyelashes seductively.

"How can I say 'no' in a way you'll understand?" Erza wondered.

"Not a chance, come on, what were you guys just talking about? Boobs? Periods?" Natsu inquired.

"Everything you just said was mildly offensive. I'm impressed." Juvia admitted, even though her gaze was fixed on Gray.

"We were talking about revenge, if you really must know." Erza informed tightly.

"Revenge? Any particular reasons?" Gray asked, interest piqued.

"If she told you, she'd have to kill you." Juvia joked. Well, who knows. Maybe she wasn't joking.

"Of course – standard revenge procedure, we get it," Natsu nodded like he wasn't going to pry any further. "Are you guys going to Jellal's dorm tonight to study?"

Erza scoffed. Like any _studying_ was actually going to occur.

"We sure are! We love to…study…" Juvia trailed off awkwardly, probably losing her train of thought to Gray's hair, or face, or whatever she was attracted to.

"Awesome. Bring hot friends." Natsu said pointedly. "I'm counting on you guys."

"For what? Pussy? We're not a delivery service, do it yourself." Erza sniffed.

"Yeah, if you're that horny, why don't you just use each other?" Juvia asked before letting out a happy laugh. She probably wasn't even joking.

"Gross. Gray's an STD circus, I don't want any of that biz." Natsu informed. Gray punched his shoulder blade.

"Yeah? Well Natsu can't even put a tampon in, I doubt he could take me anyways."

"You wanna fight?"

"Right here. Right now. Let's go."

"Wait, are they doing it, or fighting?" Juvia asked lowly as the two boys stared at each other heatedly.

"I can confidently say both?" Erza responded. There was enough passion in their gazes to say they were far past being straight.

"Cool it, we're not supposed to talk about fight club, you idiots." Juvia decided to intervene.

"Yeah Gray, rule number one." Natsu reminded. Gray kicked his shin.

"Hey, totally unrelated question," Erza began begrudgingly, hardly able to believe she had sunk to this level of immaturity. "You guys wouldn't know where I can buy mouse traps, would you?"

.

.

.

"-and then I was like, why even bother dating Edward, if that sexy piece of werewolf was _right there_ in front of you? I totally don't get this emo bitch Bella, hell, why won't werewolf hot guys chase _me_? "

Erza stopped short, lamenting not taking a migraine pill and massaging her temple. "I'm gonna be honest here – I stopped listening a long, _long_ time ago."

"Aw, you missed my impromptu Twilight review."

"On-"

"- _accident_ , probably." Juvia interrupted with a cute little blink. "Right Erza?"

Erza stopped in front of Jellal's dorm, digging her hand in her purse gently. "I got the mouse trap, what do I do now?"

Juvia slapped her arm. "What do you mean, 'what do I do now'? You hide it in his cereal cabinet, and then when he goes for a little cap'n crunch he gets his _hand chopped off_!" Juvia ended her charade with a karate chop.

"That…I don't think that's how mouse traps work-"

"- _course_ it is! Haven't you ever seen Tom and Jerry, Erz? Honestly, what would you do without my boundless knowledge?" Juvia asked rhetorically. Naturally, Erza didn't give her the pleasure of ending on a good note.

"In a better place, probably." She answered her question before looking down at her outfit. "Ok, I look hot, right? Hot enough to _destroy_ Jellal where he stands?"

Juvia looked at her sideways, tightening her lips and sighing. Then she reached forward and tugged her crop top down a little bit.

"Christ Erza, why do you cover them up so much? They're _there_ , _use_ them." Juvia gestured to Erza's boobs disappointedly. "And you look so good in black, you're making me look like a sad petunia."

Erza scrunched up her face. "Are petunias blue?"

"Shut up." Juvia seethed. She pushed a small red strand out of Erza's face and nodded at her work. "Perfect. If Jellal doesn't explode from jealousy, or whatever you had planned, I'll be absolutely damned."

"I don't want him to _explode –_ I just want him to hate himself for being an asshole to me and missing out on all _this._ " Erza corrected, gesturing to her well-endowed body proudly.

"Ah. Self-hatred. And after that, we can steal his identity and buy a lifetime supply of cat food!" Juvia plotted deviously.

Erza looked at her blankly. "We went over this. We're not stealing his identity."

Juvia pouted. "Can it be plan B?"

"We're going inside now." Erza said, knocking on the door crisply.

"Ooh, pull up your shorts a bit – let him see that _ass –_ hey, Jellal!" Juvia halted her sentence midway through with an awkward smile.

"Hey – _wow,_ you guys look…"

Erza smiled. Amazing? Gorgeous? Fantastic? Ha, _suck it_ Jellal, you motherfucking-

"-dressed up." He finished lamely.

Erza felt her spirit droop. That was anticlimactic.

"Yeah, Erza was just on a hot date, so… _yeah_." Juvia said, snapping her fingers like she was a sassy twelve year old.

"Wow. Sorry to interrupt, I guess." He concluded. "Do you guys want to come in, or…?"

"Step aside, pretty boy!" Juvia yelled, pushing her palm to Jellal's cheek and quite literally forcing him to step aside.

Erza scooted around Jellal. He looked rather awestruck at Juvia's forwardness, but shut the door after them anyways.

"Looks like the party's arrived, come sit by me, flower child!" Cana wailed from the futon, referring to Juvia's short flowery skirt.

"Wow, you guys look great!" Mira admired aloud. All of their fellow speech kids were cramped up in Jellal's living room, doing a lot to do with nothing and nothing to do with studying.

"Thanks," Erza responded, making the decision to sit next to her.

"Wow Erza, _wow._ I thought I told you to bring hot friends. I'm not seeing any hot friends." Natsu deadpanned.

"Ouch Natsu, that hurts." Juvia whined, kicking him in the head from her spot on the couch next to Cana and Gray. Erza was sure she was losing her mind being that close to him, but she seemed to be hiding it quite well.

"You don't count, blue." Gray added in, most likely for brownie points.

"I'm honored to be the exception to Natsu's wannabe booty call." Juvia said to Gray, one hand poised over her heart.

"Did you guys finish yesterday's homework?" Jellal asked conversationally, entering with a bucket full of pretzels. Literally, a metal bucket. Maybe he was out of bowls.

"No way," Cana answered for the group. "I'm waiting till midnight tonight to finish that shit."

Erza said nothing. The truth was she had finished the homework. She was a fan of getting a good night's sleep – as far as that extended when you share a room with Juvia.

"Writing intros sucks, I never know how to write an attention-getter, or whatever their called." Gray said.

"How bout this – you shout the word boobs. Then you'll have everyone's attention." Juvia offered with a shrug.

"You have a nice dorm, Jellal. Who's your roommate?" Mirajane asked. His dorm was remarkably clean, almost like he was there alone.

"Ah, his name is Laxus. He's pretty cool, but he doesn't come here much. He's kind of a party animal, actually." Jellal informed.

"Is he hot?" Juvia asked crudely. Cana high-fived her and waited eagerly for Jellal' answer.

"I…don't know how to answer that." Jellal admitted.

"Do you have any cereal?" Erza interrupted, not really listening to the conversation at hand.

"Uh…yeah?" Jellal asked, raising his eyebrows in suspicion.

Erza gave him a sharp look.

"Do you…want some?" He asked cautiously.

She nodded, her face a mixture of 'obviously' and 'please don't think I'm weird'.

Jellal stood up from his sitting position to go to the kitchen to fetch her some cereal. Erza, unwilling to bail on her shitty revenge plot, quickly stood up to follow him.

"So, cereal, huh?" Jellal asked as soon as the rest of the group began their own conversations. They were alone now.

"Y-yeah. Juvia eats all of mine, so…" Erza covered up. Jellal looked mildly skeptical, but not to the point where he'd refuse to give her cereal.

"Alright." He accepted her excuse. "By the way, you uh…"

She awaited his words with bated breath. For some reason, he always put her on edge despite his up-front friendly behavior.

"You look nice, is all." He said, looking down in the slightest like even he was embarrassed by the declaration.

The second he looked away, Erza broke into a full-fledged smile. _Finally_ – that idiot was falling _right_ into her trap!

"You ok?" He asked, his hand buried in the cereal cabinet with a concerned look across his face. Right. She was making a Jared Leto face.

"Yeah, oh yeah. Just remembering this…this thing, Juvia told me yesterday." She excused casually, looking at anything _but_ Jellal.

"We have Lucky Charms," Jellal told he, retrieving the colorful box from the pantry.

"Awesome," Erza let out, forgetting how delicious sugary cereal was. Even though the cereal was merely a stepping stone to her intricate revenge, it couldn't hurt to get spoiled a little in the process.

They both headed back to the living room while Erza waited for the best moment to plant the mouse trap in the cereal cabinet. She just needed a distraction…

As if she had been telepathically summoned, Juvia stepped up to bat with the most ideal distraction there was.

"Does anybody have a tampon?" She asked, particularly loudly.

"I think I got some," Cana said, digging through her purse experimentally.

Erza continued eating the cereal slowly. It was amazing, just as she had suspected. Stupid spoiled Jellal, probably had oodles of good food spilling out of the pantry that he refused to share with the rest of them.

"Yo, Erza! Throw me some cereal!" Natsu requested, holding his hands up pitcher style.

"Eat a dick," she hissed protectively, wrapping her arms around the cereal and almost letting out a dragon roar.

"I have more cereal, if you guys want some," Jellal offered kindly. There was an uproar of positive feedback and he went back into the kitchen to get more, foiling her mouse trap plan.

"So guys, FMK, Gosling, Seacrest, Reynolds." Cana said. It took Erza a brief second to realize she was referring to three different Ryans.

"Ew, kill Seacrest." Juvia said with a wrinkled nose.

"Marry Reynolds," Mira pitched in helpfully.

"FUCK GOSLING." Natsu said, freakishly loud. It made Erza question his sexuality on a whole different level.

"I mean, or yeah, whatever." Natsu added in. Gray was practically puking his guts out from laughing so hard at Natsu's confession.

"Ok, we have Froot Loops and Honey Comb." Jellal presented the remaining cereal boxes and they were greedily snatched up by the rest o the group. Erza was slightly intrigued by his generosity, normal kids would be fighting like rabid hyenas for delicacies such as these yet Jellal seemed to be feeling rather charitable today. Interesting.

Unfortunately, Jellal took note of her bewildered expression and decided to take a seat next to her. Of course.

"What's on your mind?" He asked, obviously referring to her dumbstruck expression.

"You sure like sharing," she mumbled, shoving a dry marshmallow into her mouth ungracefully.

"I guess so," he shrugged it off like it was no big deal.

"Why?" She pried annoyingly. He sure didn't like to share in primary school, she could first-hand vouch for that.

"Misery loves company." He said mysteriously before smiling slyly like he knew something she didn't.

She felt hatred course through her veins immediately. How _dare_ that smarmy idiot look her in the eye like he knew more than she did?

She crunched her cereal rather loudly and plunged one of her hands inside her purse. It was go time.

"I'm gonna go put this back," she said, hoping her voice didn't crack as she made slight eye contact with Juvia. She grabbed the mouse trap from inside her purse and scurried back into the kitchen.

She shoved the box back into the cabinet, and then slowly set the mouse trap and put it in front of the cereal box. There. Now she'd get her revenge. Sort of.

It was then that Erza realized exactly how many flaws her plan had. Who was dumb enough to _not_ see a mouse trap in front of a cereal box? What if his _roommate_ is the one who gets trapped? What if-

"Erza?" Jellal asked, peeking his head into the kitchen.

"A-ha…sorry!" She called, yanking her hand out of the cereal cabinet and placing it on her hip awkwardly. "Be right there!"

Oh well. She'd just have to hope for the best.

.

.

.

The next day at speech class, both Juvia and Erza were pleasantly surprised.

"You saw it, right?" Juvia asked excitedly, practically bouncing in her seat.

"Of course I did," Erza responded. There was a band-aid on Jellal's pinky finger. Their plan had worked. Sort of.

"I _told_ you the mouse trap thing would work!" She boasted.

"Keep it down! It'll be embarrassing if he finds out it was us!" Erza barked, still wary on the idea that she had actually stuck a mouse trap in someone's cereal cabinet. It didn't get much lower than this.

"Oh whatever! Next time, we should steal all of his toilet paper, than put it back the next day, and keep doing that for like, _ever_ , and then he'll think he's going insane-"

"What's the story, morning glory?" Natsu interrupted Juvia's brilliant insight with a yawn, smacking his stuff down on the table.

"Shut up, we're _watching_." Juvia said, pointing Natsu's head to Jellal who was talking to Gray.

"What? What are we watching? Do you still hate Jellal, or whatever?" Natsu asked boredly.

" _Yes_ , now shut up and watch." Erza grabbed his mouth and closed it.

"Hey guys," Jellal greeted before taking his seat behind Erza.

"That was…anticlimactic…" Juvia whispered.

"Well, what were you expecting?" Natsu whispered back.

"Perhaps a moan of pain?" Erza put in.

"Yeah, that would've been good." Juvia said. "I should probably get back to my seat – I'll catch you after, Erz."

"Ok." Erza grumbled, barely interested. She couldn't shake the feeling that maybe she just wasn't cut out for revenge.

"Hey Erza, can I talk to you for a sec?" Jellal asked suddenly, breaking the tension with ease.

"Somebody's in trouble~~" Natsu sang softly. Erza punched his shoulder and begrudgingly stood up to follow Jellal.

"So," Jellal began, once they were out of earshot. "I have a question for you."

"Uh…fire away." Erza said, wondering what he could possibly ask of her.

"Did you, uh…" he scratched the back of his head anxiously, "leave a mouse trap in my cereal cabinet?"

Erza stared blankly at him. She hoped her expression didn't seem guilty, because on the inside, her conscience was in flames. How the _hell_ did he know it was her? Well… _besides_ the fact that she was the only one that went in the kitchen…hm…she really didn't think this through, did she?

"W-why would you think that?" She laughed, sharing his awkward neck scratching trait and smiling creepily.

"Well, it seems kinda dumb, but…" he paused for a second to evaluate her expression. "I found your receipt."

 _No way_ , she cursed herself, _I put it in my pocket…god damn it! Fuck girl pants and their pocket-lessness!_

"I…don't…"

"So, I figured it would make you feel better if I was hurt." He added, holding up his bandaged pinky finger. Her eyes narrowed. What did he mean by that?

"I…uh…" she continued to fumble around her words like a dumbass.

His face fell at her lack of response.

"So, I guess what I'm trying to say is – _why_?"

Her mouth opened and shut like a dying goldfish.

"I…saw…a rat? In your dorm…thought I could…take care of it…"

Jellal shook his head, like he was disappointed in her.

"In that case," he said, peeling off the tiny band-aid with ease, revealing a fully healthy pinky.

Bastard! He had _pretended_ to get mouse-trapped! What a twist….

He watched her remorseful expression and laughed. "That's what I thought."

"I…don't think I-"

"Erza, if you're trying to do some petty revenge scheme for all the shit I threw at you in primary school, then _have at it._ " He said, surprising her by holding his arms in the air like he was surrendering. "…but I expected more than this from you, Erza."

At this point Erza was fairly sure she looked like the entire audience during the Empire Strikes Back, only this time, it wasn't her father who was trying to recruit her to the dark side.

"You…want me to…"

He smiled briefly, looking impressively sexy and Erza cursed every god out there for making her mortal enemy as attractive as sin.

"Impress me." He said, before walking back to his table like nothing had happened.

Erza stared at the whiteboard, at a complete loss for words. Huh. So this is what it felt like to be check-mated. And if there was one thing she hated, it was losing. And chess in general. And Jellal, and his _stupid, smug ass._

He may have won that turn, but it was her move next – and she'd be damned if she didn't win this game.

* * *

 **ok, so I like to answer reviews in chapter bc im lame and bad at responding via pm**

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	3. clouds

"Simon…" Erza moaned, dragging her nails across the foreign surface. "I _need_ you."

Simon swallowed dryly. "I…what do you…"

Without waiting for an answer, Erza stood up abruptly and slammed something onto his desk, shaking the whole table, and his computer, which had been neatly balancing on top of it, fired up and ready to go, just as Erza had demanded five minutes before busting into his dorm and demanding for some assistance.

Just like any good friend would.

"What is…this?" He held up the object she had presented him with. It was a photograph.

"I need _all_ the dirt you can find on him. Every bit – Simon _please_ , if anyone can do this…it's you." Erza begged him impatiently. Simon flipped the photo over cautiously to see the words _Jellal Fernandes_ written angrily on the back.

Simon scratched his head. "I dunno Erz….seems a little weird to me. And…why are his eyes scribbled out? And why does it say 'die satan'…?" Simon inquired. Erza ripped the picture out of his hands and set it back on his desk neatly. "That's not important….anyways, will you do this for me? Please?" She pleaded with him.

He looked up at her and tried to avoid blushing. It was strange to see Erza in a position of weakness, and it was even rarer that he would be in the position of power.

"Ugh….how can I say no to that face?" He joked, before looking back down at the photo with disappointment. "He didn't hurt you….did he?"

Erza's lips quirked upwards into a smug grin. "Not for long Simon….not for long…"

Simon's face scrunched up like a confused puppy dog. "That….doesn't answer my question…"

"Just do it," she instructed him strictly. She had work to do.

.

.

.

"FMK…Natsu….Gray….Simon…"

"Who the hell are you talking to?" Erza asked Juvia out of boredom, turning the page in her chemistry textbook absently. Juvia had been mumbling aloud deliriously after skipping sleep and breakfast and moving straight to her world history textbook, at this point she was as good as drunk.

"You, silly! Now gimme the goods….who would you fuck, who would you marry, and who would you kill?" Juvia asked, slinging her hands over the top bunk and letting her deep blue hair fall over her eyes like a swirling ocean curtain.

"Give it up and go to sleep Juvia," Erza told her without avail. Juvia made a whimpering noise.

"Just this last question, I promise." Juvia giggled incoherently and Erza made an internal groaning sound. She definitely wouldn't be letting up any time soon.

"Fine. Uh….kill Natsu, fuck Gray, marry Simon." She answered succinctly.

"Ooohh….knew it….you wanna steal my man….let's fight…." Juvia mumbled.

"Go to bed, hoe."

"Ok."

It took Juvia less than a second to straight up pass out. That was eventful.

Erza sighed and turned the page of her textbook even though she really hadn't read the page. Her eyes just kept scanning the words, over and over again, but nothing got through. It was like trying to read hieroglyphics with no background knowledge whatsoever.

There was a knock on the door and Erza eagerly jumped up, in no hurry to get back to her textbook perils. She walked over to the door and opened it with unnatural speed and velocity.

Simon was on the other side, laptop swung over his back as he surveyed her cautiously.

"Did you find anything?" She asked, getting straight to the point and grabbing a fistful of his loose shirt.

"Well," he spoke, a little bit flustered at the way she was holding him. "Yeah…I guess I did."

"Spill!" She demanded, pulling him into her dorm quickly and loudly before slamming the door behind them. This was some top-secret business.

"O-ok, wow….you're…. _really_ into this…." Simon muttered before quietly setting up his personal computer, noticing a knocked-out Juvia on the top bunk. "And I had no idea you meant Jellal from _elementary_ school. _Man_ that guy was an asshole. Remember that time he tricked the teacher into confiscating your backpack because you had illegal contraband? And it was actually just a sparkly pen-"

" _Yes_ I remember!" Erza snarled, nails digging into the wood grain of her bed frame.

Simon blinked. "Ah…of course. Anyways, when I started searching stuff up….well…let's just say I found some interesting stuff." Simon clicked a few times on his computer before a screen popped up.

"Jellal Fernandes…19 years old….honor roll….cross country star? Simon, what the hell? This is all _good_ stuff!" Erza wailed, holding her head in despair.

"Hold on, hold on…there's more…" Simon informed her coolly, scrolling down on the page until more information appeared.

"Lives with his aunt and uncle? What? Why?" Erza demanded to know. Simon sucked in a breath.

"Well…"

"Oh." Erza's eyes widened s she began to draw her own conclusions. "Oh…oh no, please don't tell me-"

"When Jellal was a sophomore in high school, both of his parents were killed in a boating accident." Simon told her begrudgingly. "That's pretty much when he started to clean up his act."

"Oh _god_ ," Erza moaned. "I can't believe I actually feel _bad_ for him…"

Erza vaguely recalled Jellal's parents, calm, kind-hearted, and a bit clueless. She'd see them whenever they came to pick him up from school, usually right after he'd steal her lunch and hide it in the woods. They believed their angelic son could do no harm. Erza didn't blame them – from a young age, Jellal was a damn good liar.

"Ok, listen….so I didn't really find anything bad, but I _did_ find something else." Simon told her cryptically. He clicked a link at the bottom of a screen and showed her a pointy looking graph.

"Simon….you're gonna have to translate." Erza said flatly. Graphs weren't her forte.

"Well, ok, this is his…. _activity,_ so to speak, or at least, his internet activity. The weird thing is…" Simon trailed off and clicked a specific section of the graph. "See this? What do you notice about it?"

Erza squinted, not seeing his point. "Nothing. I don't see anything."

" _Exactly._ " Simon said, his eyes sparkling. He always did love a good mystery, maybe that's why he hung around Erza so much.

"See this? _No_ internet activity whatsoever after his Junior year of high school. He completely went off the grid."

Erza sat up and chewed on the inside of her cheek. "Well….what does that mean?"

Simon breathed out and leaned back, shaking his head. "I don't know, Erz. I honestly have no idea what he could've been doing."

Erza felt a smile stretch across her cheeks creepily. 'I guess we'll just have to find out then, no?"

Simon almost shuddered. "Don't…. _never_ do that smile again."

Erza frowned. "You don't like it?"

"Nightmares are for nighttime."

"Dork." Erza joked, smacking him lightly in the back of the head and checking her phone. "Damn. I have coffee in ten minutes with Mira. I'll check you later, ok Si? Thanks for the info, I really appreciate it." Erza thanked him, kissing the top of his head affectionately and standing up to leave for her meet-up.

"You're…you're welcome…Erza." He stammered quietly. She smiled at him brightly and waved goodbye.

"Catch you on the flip-side." She winked at him and exited as gracefully as a firetruck leaving the station, red hair blazing like the sun.

.

.

.

"Poor Juvia," Mira mumbled, sipping her lemon frappe cautiously. "I hope she's ok…"

"She'll be fine," Erza assured her, barely worried for her passed out friend. "She's survived on less sleep."

"Well, that's good to hear." Mira said brightly. "Now…I've been meaning to ask you….what's with you and Jellal?"

Erza almost choked to death on her peppermint mocha.

"What do you….what do you _mean_?" She asked quickly, hoping that her lack of subtlety wouldn't phase the nosy Mirajane.

Mira winked. "I pride myself in being more observant than the average person, you know. I can tell there's something going on….you're always giving each other weird looks…"

"It's because…" she trailed off, trying to think of a lie that would throw Mira off of her scent. "I….have a crush on him! Yeah." She told her.

It only took a half a second for her to realize what a huge mistake that was.

"You _do_? I _knew_ it! Oh my god – he totally likes you too! You guys should date! I can set you both up, I swear! This is….amazing!" Mira gasped, forgetting her coffee and using her hands like tools of the imagination.

"Ahaha….it's no big deal, really. Just…don't tell anyone, please." Erza laughed awkwardly. Ira looked like she was trying to keep the sparkles out of her eyes.

"This is…. _beautiful…_ I'm going to witness so much love this year." Mira whispered creepily.

"O…k…" Erza breathed out nervously. She had just made a big mistake, hadn't she?

Mira kept smiling ominously as she sipped her cooled drink. Erza half debated telling her she was just kidding, until something suspiciously pink caught her eye.

"Oh dear lord." She mumbled lowly, "please, anything but this…not this, _please_ -"

"Erzy! What are you doing here?" Natsu asked her in the most girly, I-haven't seen-you-for-years obnoxious voice. Without asking or debilitating, he pulled up a rusty metal chair and scooted close to the table. "Soooo, what's happening, tell me all the latest 'ssip…"

"Natsu, say one more word, and I'll decapitate you with my straw." Erza said dryly. He blinked in surprise, before laughing.

"Oh Erza….always such a jokester…" He laughed, before turning around unnaturally quick. "Hey guys, get over here!"

Erza and Mira both looked up to see a small group of guys following Natsu. Looks like Erza and Mira weren't the only ones with a day off.

"Erza," Mira whispered less-than-quietly, "he's _here_."

"I see him." Erza growled. Jellal was among the group of people traveling with the exuberant rose haired boy. Him, along with Gray, and some blond guy that she didn't recognize.

"Laxus…" Mira said softly, tone unrecognizable to Erza. How weird…she was fairly sure she'd heard that name before.

"What are you doing here, Natsu?" Erza asked, annoyed, as she wrenched her gaze from Jellal and his fuckboy squad.

"Natsu is here to _charm_ ," he told her in third person, straightening the collar of his jacket sophisticatedly and slicking back his hair.

"I pity whatever woman has to face that." Erza said to Mira, who in turn giggled like the good friend that she was.

"Tch, how rude. I'm going in for the kill…." Natsu stood up abruptly, looking like a lioness on the hunt, as his eyes trained on a certain woman exiting the coffee shop out the back door.

"The barista?" Erza asked him, trying to choke down her laughter. "Wow. You really _are_ in the mood to get rejected."

Natsu scoffed. "Not with _that_ attitude."

"Ten bucks says he gets his ass handed to him." Gray mumbled to Mira as he scooted up next to her, soon joined by the other two guys. Erza resisted giving Jellal the evil eye.

Natsu strolled up to the barista casually as she locked the door behind her, looking extremely lethargic and dead inside. Erza recognized the girl easily, she was gorgeous, and probably got enough shit from annoying guys like Natsu. He'd get rejected in a half second by and experienced girl like her. She'd be lying if she said she wasn't excited to see it happen.

"So…Jellal, I've been meaning to ask you…" Mira suddenly spoke. Erza felt her ears tinge as red as her hair. She'd better not do what she thought she was about to do….

"Do you have a girlfriend?" Mira asked slyly. Erza almost dipped her head in her coffee.

Jellal made a weird face before shaking his head. "Not at the moment, no. Why do you ask?"

"No reason," Mira swirled her straw in her drink and flashed Erza the least subtle know-it-all look she'd ever seen. Dear god she was doomed.

Jellal caught Mira's look and figured out what was going on in less than a second. Damn his perceptiveness!

"You know someone who's interested?" Jellal teased, not peeling his gaze away from Erza's embarrassed face.

"Mayyybe," Mira sang. Good god she was bad at this.

"Hey guys, incoming. Natsu's about to make a move. Any last bets?" Gray asked the table.

"No thanks, I'm not about to lose any money." The blond man, Laxus, Erza guessed, said. He had an extremely low pitched voice and a lightning scar on the side of his face, like a screwed up punk rock Harry Potter.

Natsu walked up behind the girl who was digging in her purse for something. He stood behind her and said something that they couldn't hear – but he clearly startled the girl, because she jumped almost a foot in the air, whipped around, and sprayed him in the face.

"Holy shit!" Gray cried, standing up to see better. "Did she just _mace_ him?"

"Oh my god," Erza remarked, committing the moment to memory so she could treasure it forever. "She _did._ "

The girl suddenly threw her hand over her mouth and began making frantic hand motions in an apologetic matter. Natsu crumpled to his knees, defeated, clutching his eyes in pain.

"Maybe we should get him to a doctor?" Mira suggested meekly.

"In a minute, this is _hilarious,"_ Gray giggled, whipping out his phone to film the poor barista consoling Natsu as he wailed in pain.

Erza laughed with him and watched Natsu try to maintain composure to impress the girl, and failing miserably.

"What a lovely Thursday," Erza remarked, to no one in particular, but she didn't miss the knowing smirk Jellal sent her afterwards.

.

.

.

"-I am _so_ sorry!" The poor barista gurgled, for the umpteenth time as she clutched her purse and watched Natsu get his eyes checked for functionality.

"It's fine, someone was bound to do it at some point." Gray consoled her lightly. She didn't seem entirely convinced by his argument, and continued to apologize profusely.

"I shouldn't have snuck up on you," Natsu apologized while gritting his teeth and squinting his red-tinged eyes. "My bad."

The girl, who's name was Lucy, as Erza had learned a few minutes ago, had apparently been used to men approaching her in alleys and asking her for odd favors, so that explained her leeway with mace, and in Erza's opinion, was completely justified. Seeing Natsu get maced was a fun little bonus there, too.

"Ten bucks says he tries to pull a pity date out of this," Gray whispered to the lot of them. Mira giggled and nodded.

"He'd better not," Erza heard herself growl, earning a few odd looks from their group. She had always been protective over women, or at least, women who were victimized by men. Perhaps this stemmed from her past with Jellal, and wish that someone would've stepped up and helped her then.

Erza blinked. That was a rather deep analysis.

"Speaking of pity dates," Mirajane piped up, drawing the attention of almost everyone in the room, including the impatient doctor. To be honest, Mira drew that kind of attention, she had that sort of captivating angelic beauty few people could capture as well as she could. "Jellal, you wouldn't perhaps be interested in a blind date?"

Erza felt her vision shatter like a mirror.

Jellal looked mildly bewildered, but there was something about Mirajane's liquid sapphire gaze that intimidated people.

"I mean….I guess it's not ideal, but if you're that sure…" He answered vaguely. She grinned and nodded at him.

"Great! I'll call you with the details!" Mira turned and gave Erza a _jackpot_ look and Erza was unsure if she'd ever this seriously considered getting a new identity and moving to Costa Rica.

"Are you guys serious? I just got turned down so hard I'm in the hospital, and yet you _jump_ at the opportunity to set _tattoo-face-Fernandes_ on a date. I'm leaving this country." Natsu announced dramatically. Lucy paled a little bit, the poor girl looked like the whole situation was making her sick.

"I can't help that I'm beautiful," Jellal shrugged with a wintery smirk. Erza turned away, half expecting to see Juvia making a 'gag me' hand gesture, but frowned a tiny bit when she remembered that Juvia had been absent for the entire ordeal. She'd be quite disappointed that she had missed out on Natsu's epic adventure. And that she missed out on a separate opportunity to drool over Gray.

"Anyways," said male interrupted the lazy silence that had enveloped the mismatched group. "Who wants to go see if we can convince a restaurant that Natsu is blind and get free food?"

"I'm down," Laxus said. Erza subtly nodded, any instance requiring Natsu to act would surely end up in comedic failure. And who was she to deny herself the break she deserved, especially being so preoccupied with the Jellal-disappearing-for-a-year and the thought that she may or may not be set up with him later in the week.

It was just fine and dandy. She'd be fine. Probably.

.

.

.

"On the bright side," Juvia lightly pointed out, "you didn't get arrested?"

Erza made a huffy sound and directed the question to Natsu, who in turn offered her a guilty, shit-eating grin.

"I guess I'm just not cut out to be an actor," He shrugged, referring to the situation that had happened earlier resulting in the cops getting called in a near felonious experience.

"I'm never hanging out with this kid again." Laxus jabbed his thumb towards the cheeky pink haired man, lightly cradling the side of his head which had somehow gotten injured in amidst the commotion of avoiding arrest.

"You missed a lot," Erza said in summation. "By the way, I have to tell you about-"

"Erza!" Mirajane called, the phrase 'speak of the devil' (or in this case, _prepare_ to speak of the devil) had never been truer.

"Yes Mira," Erza said weakly, trying not to sound defeated and failing epically.

" _Soooo_ , regarding that _date_ I got you," she elbowed Erza in the ribcage teasingly before continuing, "It's tomorrow! Aren't you excited? You'll _totally_ hit it off, I can't wait!"

Juvia took a moment to blink and look confused. "Date? What?"

Mira looked at Juvia with an all-knowing smirk. "Our _darling_ Erza has been harboring a crush on Jellal, and yours truly scored her a date with him."

Juvia made the creepiest, most sarcastic smile Erza had ever seen her make. Her lips crookedly fought the urge to laugh, so instead she coughed awkwardly.

"Is _that_ so?" She crowed, eyes flashing like the alarms of an oncoming train that was about to hit Erza like a sock full of nickels.

Erza gulped, wondering how the hell she'd managed to dig her own grave and stake a headstone in a matter of hours.

"That _is_ so," she croaked guiltily. Juvia made a choking laugh sound and Erza almost sunk her elbow so deep in her ribcage it would take a century to dislodge them.

"He's awfully cute, you're lucky you managed to snag him before another girl does," Mira informed her, tapping her elegant ivory finger against her forehead filled with boundless knowledge of hunky guys. "And he's the awfully mysterious type, very desirable."

"Mysterious, huh." Erza mumbled under her breath as Mira tallied off Jellal's positive qualities like they were on the final round of jeopardy.

 _Maybe being his girl could unlock a few of those mysteries,_ her mind echoed, reflecting back to some of her more rough-draft plans on revenge. Maybe…

"Oh god. You look like you're about to stuff an orphan into a sack and use it to kill a bunch of _other_ orphans…" Juvia made an unsettling simile as Erza let a slow, syrupy smile crawl across her lips.

"What do you say Juvia, wanna help me get ready for a date?"

.

.

.

"Simon called," Juvia mused as Erza curled her tumbling crimson hair which had been ensnared by a lovely silky black bow behind her head. She looked sweet. Innocent. Not like she was about to stab a bitch.

Let them think that. Then she'd catch them by surprise.

"Did he?" She asked hollowly, mouth opening spherically asshe layered mascara onto her already deep dark lashes. Had to make them thick enough to crush a man to death.

"He began to panic when I told him you were preparing for your _date,_ " she informed with a mouth pop that was distinctly _Juvia_. "You should probably let him know one of these days...that you're...you know…"

"Not interested?" Erza finished for her. "He knows."

"Does he?" Juvia questioned her, with a self-assured sense of rebellion that she only got every once in awhile, when she thought that what she wanted was right.

"Sure he does." Erza concluded her man-slaying look with long, sleek black boots hugging her ankles and giving her an extra height boost. Because damn jellal and his basketball level height advantage.

"How do I look?" She asked Juvia, giving herself a quick twirl.

"Wow. Your skirt is _really_ short." Juvia sucked in a breath. "You're really going for this?"

"All in, baby." Erza responded. Jellal asked for a challenge, then he should damn well expect one.

"Watch out, Erza." Juvia warned, sigh hidden under her tired blue curls and expression shielded by the sleepy lines of sleep underneath her eyes. "Sometimes, the only way to win at a gamble is not to play. Losing this could end up really bad, and not just for you."

Erza blinked, marveling at Juvia's temporary wisdom before coming back with a bit of her own.

"Gambling is only bad when you're losing," she reasoned. "And I don't plan on losing."

Juvia sighed at her friend's insane drive for revenge. "Careful. I don't think Jellal plans on losing _to_ you."

"Sure." Erza scoffed on her way out the door. "Like he'll stand a chance."

.

.

.

Erza stood in front of the restaurant Mira had instructed her to go to, suddenly nervous. Her frivolous confidence had faded to a much duller shine, versus her glimmering radiance she had worn only moments before.

it was Jellal's fault, surely. He was like the human personification of rust. Yeah. that was a good metaphor….

She twisted a red curl in her hand boredly, running over possible conversation starters and excuses and ideas and plans and thoughts and memories-

"Erza?"

His voice is as clear as the rays of the morning sun, and for a second, every thought in her head is reduced to a tiny pinpoint, and she has _nothing_ on her mind - for perhaps the first time in her entire life.

"Heyyy?" She slurred drunkenly as her mind attempted to rescramble her fried brains.

"It's...what are you doing here? And why are you…" He looked at her up and down, eyes lingering an extra second at each stop (something that boosted her self confidence a fair bit), before tilting his head in confusion. He was dressed quite nicely for a boy, a clean button down shirt that was haphazardly rolled up at the sleeves, with light colored jeans that looked like they'd been washed a decent amount of times.

"Well," she offered, tugging at the bouncy curl, "It's me. I'm your date."

.

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.

 **review responses first xD**

Moves of a dreamer: thank you so much! ill try my best :3

wtf gray: ohhmyfdcuk banxshrek i will lose my miND get out tittie

Catndhat: ahh thank you! i apologize for oocness, i still have to read and watch fairy tail so im tryiing my best! it means a lot to me that youll overlook it though! an aaaaaaa omg i love crazy stupid love omggg

NinFreak9: thank you! i love juvia as well!

Kasumi Yukimura: thank you v much!

Nokiyoh682: thank! :3

cakeLoverDK: thank you! im glad you appreciate ervia :D

XxxJerza4everxxX: thank you! i hope this chapter is to your liking!

wordslinger: thank you! i work especially hard on the diologue and im so glad you like it!

wordslinger: aaaAAAA! IM SO HAPPY YOU LIKED THE ERVIA THAT MUCH THIS REVIEW IS SO SWEET ASGDHS

ab918: aa i will keep going! and i sure hope the streets are safe...

Jerza- Fangirl: THANK YOUUUU!

endingsarenotalwaysbad: (i always enjoy your reviews so much you sspppoil me ahhh) im so glad you like my cracky interps and weird humor...haha...its good to know im not alone sometimes ;-; i love you smm!

Guest: thank you! and erza has a lot in store for jellal...just you wait...

Guest: ahhh im glad you love badass erza! shes the beeessst

Anemone102: thank you! hopefully you like erzas game-changer!

Kiri: aAAHH YOU NOTICED! I KNOW ITTS GOTTEN SO MANY REVIEWS AND I JUST? AAA

Scarlet Blue Frost: thank you this makes me sooo happy!

Momo Cicerone: omfg...*hides entire self* deysi pls...im the one dying here...

Guest: haha thank you! juvia is a little crazy but she is very fun to write!

Blue Star: TTHHANK YOU SO MUCH? YOU ARE SO NICE AND ICVVVE SEEN YOUR REVIEWS AND IM DY ING

Blue Star (other review): HERE YOU GOOOO

Leaffeather: thankkss and yes receipts are evil :c

guest-san: ahhh thank u so much !

Crimson rose: thank you! I LAUGHED SO HARD ON THIS REVIEW BC I WAS WRITING THE HOSPITAL SCENE AND WAS JUST LIKE...ok

 **anyways AAAAAA S MANY REVIEWS THANK YOU ALL SO MUCH! EVERY ONE COUNTS! i look forward to seeing you all again in the near future, hopefully, and thank you for your patience, its much appreciated!**


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